will re-name it "EverClean Ranch"
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Former 250cc Grand Prix and World Superbike Champion, John Kocinski is in the process of purchasing Michael Jackson's infamous Neverland Ranch. The sprawling estate has become too expensive for the King of Pop to maintain, and with the recent Worker's Compensation "misunderstanding" that led to the untimely closing of the property, Jackson has decided to sell it to long-time friend Kocinski.
"The first thing I need to do is find new homes for all the animals," commented Kocinski. "If it's one thing I cannot tolerate, it's llama droppings and chimpanzee dander." Presumably, Jackson will maintain custody of Bubbles the Chimp, so Kocinski will only need to relocate the llamas, alpacas, lions, tigers, bears, elephants, giraffes, wildebeests, and Ethiopian swamp hogs. John Merrick's "Elephant Man" bones will also presumably be kept by Jackson because, when asked about them, Kocinski said, "Bones? I don't know nothing about no bones."
As for the carnival rides that are a festive centerpiece of the ranch, Kocinski is looking forward to getting back to his Arkansas roots. "It'll be just like the county fair back home in Little Rock, only without all those sticky caramel apples, messy elephant ears, and bad dental hygiene. I'm having the carousel steam-cleaned, though, because those horses look a little grungy."
Neverland Ranch also has a pool and a pond, and the pond is perfect for Kocinski. "I'm a former professional water-skier, so once I replace the pond-water with Perrier, I'll be slaloming in naturally carbonated spring water."
No word yet on what Kocinski plans to do with Jackson's infamous bedroom, aside from a thorough vacuuming, dusting, and new bed linens. But, one thing's for sure, the name "Neverland Ranch" is going to change. According to Kocinski, "That name's kind of got a bad rep." When asked if he's settled on a new name yet, Kocinski said, 'EverClean Ranch' has kind of a nice ring to it, don't you think?"
A nice ring indeed, Oh King of Clean.
ENDS
(superbikeplanet.com)
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